Friday, June 25, 2010

So let the waters rise if You want them to. I will follow You.

I've been having nightmares about leaving stuff behind in Kansas City when I fly to London then Uganda next week.

Last night it was that I forgot my Malaria pills and my money.

I've also been feeling very small and not enough. I feel like I'm not a "good enough christian" to be going on a mission's trip.

How funny that I'm believing all these lies. How convenient for the devil that they are all coming directly before I leave for my trip. Probably because he's the one behind them all huh?

Guess what? I'm gunna stop listening to what I think of myself. That would probably be a good idea considering myself usually doesn't know ditally squat.

I think I'll start listening to Jesus for awhile. Yeah. Let's do that.

Cause pretty sure this is a little more accurate. ^

In other news. I leave in 8 days.

In more other news. I went to a wicked awesome blacklight party last night. Haven't gotten to dance like that for awhile. Super fun.

In the last other news, I'm excited for pumpkins again.

I think that's all of importance for now.

Let the Waters Rise - MikesChair

Photo Props: weheartit

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I’ve come to the conclusion, I can not change myself

Trying to get ready for Africa is hard.

I'm not exactly sure what to be doing. I'm talking to Jesus. We're communicating. I'm packing. I'm shopping. I'm blogging. I'm washing clothing. I'm reading Romans 12:9-21 (amazing, check it out). I'm trying to prepare my heart.

But can I? Like seriously, I don't know what I'm getting into. I don't know how to love truly. If I could learn one thing from the people of Uganda it would be how to love like Jesus loves.

props to me for photo

I made a bag. Thanks to Connally for the idea. Or rather, thanks to Connally for making a bag that I blatantly ripped off for my own personal enjoyment. We'll just call it for what it is eh friend?

I have a feeling in reality, those kids will bring much more sunshine to my life then I will to theirs.

Jenny&Tyler wrote a song about my life right now. They aren't well known enough to be on youtube, so if you want to hear it visit their website and listen to it on their player. It's on the "This Isn't a Dream" album, called "Desperate Faces."

"maybe i should take a flight to see those desolate places | maybe try to step inside the minds of all those desperate faces | maybe my superficial eyes will finally be opened, and i will see them as you do | i want to see them as you do" - "Desperate Faces" by Jenny&Tyler

Monday, June 21, 2010

Like a bird from these prison walls I'll fly away

photo props to American Airways

It was a weird sensation walking into a place someone you love, loves. My Uncle, Jerry Stark, was a professional croquet player. Ranked 5th in the United States and was on several champion teams. He was incredible. He died about a month ago and the funeral was this weekend on his croquet lawn. Yes you can laugh at his picture. I know. He doesn't look it. He's 6'1'' and a personality to boot! Loves BBQ. Ate BBQ everyday when he was in KC.

When we got to the memorial service I didn't know what to expect. I felt awkward. This was a part of my Uncle I didn't know. Many told stories about his mallet flying over nearby hedges when he missed a particularly easy shot. Him and my cousin Zac would TORTURE me for hours and hours when they came in to see me. Teasing that makes even my brothers look like angels. I loved it, even though I complained the whole time.

Regreats: I never played croquet with him, and I never went to see him in Cali.

Hilariously awesome is a fitting description. Everything about my Uncle screamed I'm not normal! I'm amazing!

He got to do what he LOVED. His passion. I pray to Jesus that I'm as happy as Uncle Jerry when I get old. When I grow up...I want to be happy.

I'll Fly Away - Alison Krauss (one of his favorites)

photo props to Connally

Sunday, June 6, 2010

You make me merry, make me very very happy

Alright, saw this on a blog that K turned me on to (thanks again friend) and I'm super captivated by this girl.

Cassie's therapy video

For the post I'm copying please see The Little Blog of Happiness

Pretty much, you tag three people and then fill in the blanks that aren't bolded. To see the format just watch the video. Super cute.

I tag. . .

Koni - cause she turned me onto that blog and she has such a hippie heart
Lissa - cause I'm super intrigued what her answers will be

Maci - cause she likes unusual things

The task is: fill in 12 likes, 1 love and 8 hates like Cassie in her therapy video. Below, the bolded things are what you MUST include.

Abracadabra, Wow!
I like boys with guitars in hand and girls with loud laughs
I like sleeping with a fan at night
I like old VW buses
I like notepads with superheros on them
I like swings
I like celebrating 1/2 birthdays
I like watching Disney movies curled up in my bed with cookie dough and my dog
I like hanging painted CD's from my cealing
I like feeding animals from my hand
I like flying by plane
I like driving with the window down at night, even when it's cold
I like finding things that go together in my closet that I didn't know went together
I love my mom
Today I feel unproductive
In some ways, I love everything.
Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular
I like things that I like but I love everything
There’s more choice in like
Cos even the worst things have things you love in them
I don’t know what you mean about things I hate
I hate temptation
I hate not being able to finish writing a song
I hate losing my phone
I hate when my flowers finally die that I had in my room
I hate the necessity of having "skinny jeans"
I hate feeling lonely but in a way, it's better than being with someone I don't love
I hate feeling lazy
I hate death

I hate this, wow. . .

Merry Happy - Kate Nash

Photo Props: zebra.paperclip

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

"I'm not young enough to know everything" - J.M. Barrie

I feel like there is a riverbed in front of me, and I'm trying to find the smallest part to jump across.

I feel a little messed up. Like I just woke up, and my soul is creased from a night of sleep. It's not damaged or crinkled beyond repair, just a little smashed, in need of an iron to compress out the wrinkles.

When I went to bed last night I had a huge longing for my childhood. Normally it's just a dull ache in the back of my stomach. I don't notice the dull ache anymore. But this longing demanded my attention. I laid in bed and blew bubbles up around my head, praying and thinking.

I guess it comes back to what I always think. I'm not a little kid anymore. But that doesn't mean I have to stop enjoying life, fun, bubbles, pumpkins, or Disney Princesses.

I just had to be reminded again.

Pollen and Salt - Daphne Loves Derby

Photo Props: The Inky Finger Files

Inspiration Props: we just don't know you yet