I left my heart in Uganda

Part of me doesn't want to write about what just happened in Africa. Part of me wants to keep it locked up inside and let it be a secret love there.

But I also want people to understand what happened to me. Why I'm different.

I won't lie. There weren't any gigantic shocks about the living conditions. This sounds so mean, ug. I have seen so many pictures and documentaries and things, it was hard to be shocked, even though the living conditions were so poor.

There was one thing that did shock me though. Joyfulness. The unhappiest time for me there was leaving. You can't help but be joyful in this place. People wave at you on the street and smile. Any child will laugh when you tickle them, and a piece of candy is the greatest gift they've ever received. Even though there is 9 kids shoved into one hospital room, if you paint their nails....

When people hug you there they mean it. They look at you right in the eyes and then embrace you into themselves. Some of the kids I hugged had never been hugged before, so when you hugged them, they didn't let go.

People have always told me that these are the most joyful people you will ever meet. But I know some pretty joyful people here at home. I thought maybe people just weren't looking for joy in the right places here in the states.

Theses are the most joyful people you will ever meet.

Like a bird from these prison walls I'll fly away

photo props to American Airways

It was a weird sensation walking into a place someone you love, loves. My Uncle, Jerry Stark, was a professional croquet player. Ranked 5th in the United States and was on several champion teams. He was incredible. He died about a month ago and the funeral was this weekend on his croquet lawn. Yes you can laugh at his picture. I know. He doesn't look it. He's 6'1'' and a personality to boot! Loves BBQ. Ate BBQ everyday when he was in KC.

When we got to the memorial service I didn't know what to expect. I felt awkward. This was a part of my Uncle I didn't know. Many told stories about his mallet flying over nearby hedges when he missed a particularly easy shot. Him and my cousin Zac would TORTURE me for hours and hours when they came in to see me. Teasing that makes even my brothers look like angels. I loved it, even though I complained the whole time.

Regreats: I never played croquet with him, and I never went to see him in Cali.

Hilariously awesome is a fitting description. Everything about my Uncle screamed I'm not normal! I'm amazing!

He got to do what he LOVED. His passion. I pray to Jesus that I'm as happy as Uncle Jerry when I get old. When I grow up...I want to be happy.

I'll Fly Away - Alison Krauss (one of his favorites)

photo props to Connally

Sadness is easier because its surrender. I say make time to dance alone with one hand waving free.

I was on facebook today between classes. I saw Maci's status, quoting one of my favorite songs.

I've been complaining a lot lately. A lot!

Yeah, I've been having a bad week. Really who hasn't? It's almost finals. People are trying to get ready to move on in life or move into summer. Everyone is stressed! Not just me!

I think somewhere in my head, I thought I was the only one having a hard time. Jesus gently reminded me that this wasn't the case.

I had a good day yesterday. Spanish was canceled so no homework and Woodstock was all day long. It took my good day to realize how my bad days had been effecting people. Have you ever been having a good day and then someone being grouchy ruins it? What if I had been doing that to other people? A few friends commented that I seemed in a better mood yesterday.Yikes? Did I, in my self obsessed pity party, walk all over someone who needed me? Or maybe took someone's good day and made it bad?

Somehow I think that even though Jesus had SEVERAL days that could have been grouchy, he probably didn't ruin someone else's day cause he felt like being grumpy.

Being grumpy is the easy way out.

I guess what I'm saying is...when I start losing hope and looking at the world in a downtrodden light, it doesn't just effect me, if effects the people I love too. It's hard. There are times when I want to have a breakdown, and yeah, breakdowns are ok, but to quote a favorite movie:

"You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling." - Claire Colburn

High Hopes - Frank Sinatra

photo props: -NoNameFace-

Cue Hallelujah Chorus

Me right now

Yup. That about sums it up.

I raised all my money for Uganda!

I would add more exclamation points, but I find them obnoxious.

Oh what the heck

I'M GOING TO AFRICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow...I'm shocked at my sudden outburst.




Appropriate Music

At least I'm not as sad as I used to be

I think I've convinced myself that I can't update this thing unless I have something "worthwhile" to write about. Just so you know, this won't be one of those posts. This is purely going to be a write down what ever the heck my fingers decide they want to type.

First on the agenda, a bit of self pity. Now before you completely stop reading just let me defend myself. It was a semi-hard day. I lost my MP3 player (and you know how I love music.) Sad day. Also, I had my poem critiqued today in poetry class (for those of you that don't know, Creative Writing-Poetry is my major) and it got ripped to little tiny pieces. Like we're talking voided check, picture of ex boyfriend, journal entry about a certain boy ripped to shreds. Whew. Tough.

And so I called a friend. And I insisted on coffee. And I ran away from my floor (not that I don't love them with every fiber in my being, just needed quiet time). And now in the safety of my 2nd favorite coffee house I can process some stuff.

Ever get the feeling that Jesus is giggling at you. And you can't just help but giggle with him. I had one of those last night. I literally could hear him in heaven just shaking his head and laughing at me. I remember vividly yelling at my ceiling, "Don't laugh at meeeeee!" while also laughing myself.

It's times like those that I know 110% that God is completely and totally real. Not when I'm having some super-spiritual fall-on-your-knees experience. But when I'm laying in my bed at 2 AM laughing with Jesus. It's hysterical.

I turn 21 in 10 days. Not that I'm counting. It's a weird feeling. I feel very little. I don't feel that it should be legal for me to consume alcohol. I'm weird enough without it.

The song of choice...very much my mood right now. "At least I'm not as sad as I used to be." So true. Cause no matter what, I've got Jesus. I can never been as sad as I used to be. He's pretty awesome that way. Just FYI.

Also, I'm seeing Fun in just a few weeks. Booya! And in honor of the beautiful band...here you go!

At Least I'm Not As Sad (As I Used To Be) - Fun

photo courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/shanesflyingdiscshow/