Friday, November 27, 2009

Regression Sucks.....

I feel like I'm regressing to 3 years ago in my life with the same problems I had. How frustrating. Seriously, it's really annoying me! I'm trying to talk to Jesus about it, rebuke the devil...all that. Not working! Gah! It's like seeing myself 3 years ago, being disgusted, and then realizing that I'm on the tip of a cliff, looking over, and ready to fall back down to that place....I refuse to go back to that place. Refuse!

I am not a patient person.

And yet....Jesus brought me out of that place. He promised I wouldn't go back. He's not really one to break his promises yeah? I am changed....I am completely different right? Yeah, so I had a bad day. We all do. Isn't the true test as to whether I'm the same person whether or not I try again? The Hannah 3 years ago would have given up.

Ha. I love when I have revelations while writing.

Now I just need motivation to write 2 papers. Not likely to happen. Let's be honest. I'll probably just go have Jesus time. At least that's more important that a silly paper.

Monday, November 23, 2009


Suggestion: Click this to enjoy the music that was playing in my head while writing this post. It really make it a good deal more interesting.

There is something therapeutic about writing. Seems to be really convenient that I'm majoring in it right? Ha. Ok well maybe if I actually wrote on a regular basis this would work. It's funny cause Maci (a bff for sure) just started a blog....about us...and C.H.E.M. (standing for Cadie, Hannah, Emily, and Maci. Yeah....we're weird. We know.)

I have too many random thought bumping around in my head to write about just one thing.

Boys....and how they always seem to be bouncing around in my head no matter how many other things try to cram them out. And how I always seem to fall for the wrong ones despite my efforts not to. Again, writing is therapeutic. Write a song about said boys and you feel better.

Uganda. Holy crap there is so much to say. Probably cause there are fifty different emotions going on in my brain about it. I'm scared out of my mind to go. Take "scared" out of the previous sentence and the sentence still holds true. I don't know anyone, I think I have a heart to serve and yet every day I'm reminded about the times I don't listen to God or I chicken out of doing something. Chickening out is really not an option there. Yeah....

Music is frustrating to me. I try to find the right words to tell how I'm feeling. I can hear it in my head but I can never get the words to come out right one paper except once in a.....cliche to say blue moon so I shall say once in a green sunset. Yeah.....sure...we'll go with it.

And screwing up that open mic night didn't help.

What about friends. And how I have the best friends pretty much in the world and yet I take for granted how amazingly fantastic they are.

Or possibly how I'm really sad I stopped writing here. Writing is therapeutic....did I already say that? Yeah...I pretty much meant it.