Saturday, May 29, 2010

Come Fly With Me

Sitting in the airport right now and somehow I feel right at home. Probably a good thing since over the next year I'll be spending a lot of time in airports. California, Africa, and London. Whew!

I'm not quite sure why I love flying so much. It's this mystery I've been trying to figure out for awhile now. I've always had dreams about flying by myself (meaning without the plane.) It's supposed to mean I'm worry free and feel on top of the world, but I sometimes don't think that's it. Literally...I dream about flying all. the. time. It's a semi small obsession.

Which transfers to flying on planes. Cause that's a close as I'll get to flying on my own. I have never gotten sick of flying on planes. I think the first time I was on a plane I was around 4. I still remember it. Not vividly, but vaguely somewhere like a dream.

And as we took off from Montana to Salt Lake City for a layover, I couldn't help craning my neck to gaze outside. I don't think I stopped looking outside the whole trip. Weird right? I mean, it's just clouds. I looked around after we landed and most people had books out and stuff. Not me. Just me, my I-pod, and the sky.

I know, I know...I'm a weirdo :-)

Who knows, but all I know. I'm pretty excited about flying a ton this year. I think somewhere in my head I think I'm closer to Jesus way up there.

Oh who knows.

Anyway, Montana was fantabulous. I'll post pictures on my facebook soon. I love my brothers. I love the mountains. I love my life. Done!

Come Fly With Me - Frank Sinatra

Photo Props: R'eyes'

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Turn the White Snow Red as Strawberries in the Summertim

"I forgot how much I absolutely love the mountains."

I told my brothers this on our drive up to Montana, a drive that I'll probably remember for awhile now. I relized something after I said that. I say that a lot. Maybe not about the mountains always, but about a lot of things. About laying in the grass at a park, about being on a beach, about standing beside the ocean in Ireland. I think there is something about the beauty of Jesus that my soul forgets it needs, so it just ignores it.

We listened to the Screwtape Letters on the way up here, and one of the letters talked about how letting humans do things they enjoy actually draws them closer to Jesus. They stop focusing on themselves and on the amazing world around them. It's not a waste of time, it's living the way Jesus wants them too. It's dangerous.

The book in general is pretty much rocking my world.

That and my brothers.

It's when I get in places like this though that I wonder at the pain my cousin and aunt are going through. My Uncle Jerry died last week. It was fairly sudden. I haven't been able to talk to either of them since it happened, only my mom.

So why? I think this is a question so many people ask but everyone is scared to answer. So I'm asking you, why?

I know Jesus is good. I have no doubt of that looking at the mountains right now. But I hate knowing that my family is sad.

Wow, this was definitely a "Jane Austin" post if I've ever seen one! Peace friends!

White Winter Hymnal
- Fleet Foxes

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I’m lucky I know, but I wanna go home

I was on the phone with my mom yesterday and she started crying. My mom and I are really close, and she often cries in front of me, but I'm still trying to get used to it. It's hard, especially when there is nothing I can do.

My family is in a rough patch right now. We have several family members really sick and there is a lot of stress on everyone, especially my immediate family. But we're really tight knit. Things have been ok so far.

But yesterday, on the phone with my mom, I started to feel like I was falling apart. I've been eating my feelings (such a bad practice, let me tell you) and have put on so much weight. I'm stressed, just like everyone else, cause it's the end of the semester. I just want to be home and with my family. I want to be sitting on my back porch with my mom and dad and brothers where everything seems to stop for a little bit and I can just be at rest.

My house is my Haus Geborgenheit (house of rest, place of rest, house of security).

It has literally just been me getting to the end of the week in my head. One day at a time. I needed comfort, home comfort in it's best form.

Enter Marshall Guthrie.

Let me tell you about Marshall. He was my rock my senior year. I was going through a breakup, I was graduating, I was dealing with rejection from schools, I was trying to face leaving the network of people I had come to call my family. Marshall saw me through all of this. Crying and laughing together until graduation came and we had to say goodbye for a long while. He is completely and totally my brother in Christ in every sense of the word. He encourages me to be the best person I can possibly be. He listens when I'm crying. He doesn't judge when I make blunder after blunder. He teases me (just like a brother would). He's seen me at my worst and still loved me. What an amazing friend.

I was walking down the pavement this morning, frustrated about my last final and just wanting to be home. I was getting ready to call my mom and cry a little bit more when I heard, "NOBREGA!" yelled across the road.

I looked up to see Marshall standing across the street waving.

I hit the pavement. Literally. I fell down in a crumpled heap on the ground. Haha. I can't tell you how much I needed comfort at this second in my life. I needed home. Marshall is like my own little traveling lighthouse of home.

I can't even tell you how much of a Jesus thing this was. Seriously. He knew I needed home. A little glimmer to get me home. Thanks for being my glimmer Marshall!

Home - Michael Buble

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I just haven't met you yet

Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are.

We're praying for our husbands, some friends and I. I love it. I love having that connection with him, without really knowing who he is. I love knowing that I am ready for him to come in and sweep me off my feet.

Boys usually pick my friends over me. It's happened on several occasions. I was talking to my mom about my frustration on the phone. My mom was engaged when she met my dad, and let the fighting over her begin. I've never had a boy fight for me. And that's really all I want. I want a boy to not be done until he has my entire heart. Fight for me baby! I don't care! I told mom she couldn't understand the feeling of a boy picking your friend over you cause she's never experienced it. I told her I would know the boy I should marry when I found him, cause he wouldn't like my friend first.

I watched a movie last night that I had forgotten was so close to my heart. "He's Just Not That Into You." There is a character Gigi that reminds me so much of myself. She dissects and reads into every little thing that a guy does convincing herself that he likes her. She makes up excuses to call him and stop by just to say hello. She's me in so many ways.

I talked to Maci about it one night after watching it. She felt the same way as me, an embarrassment when Gigi is doing all these things because secretly, we know exactly how she feels. Wanting to have someone.

I love what she says to Alex, the boy she likes, when she finds out that she misread all the signs. It's true. It makes me feel better about who I am. Because I do put myself out there sometimes. I do get false hope and dream about finding the right boy. I even have been known to look at a facebook page or two to see how our music tastes match up. But I never gave up on finding someone. I have never thrown in the towel on boys.

Cause I know there is one out there for me, I just haven't met him yet. I'm not giving up hope.

Gigi: Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble

Photo: [EJ PHOTO]