Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I wanna tell you that everything will be ok


Ellen gave me her bad day from yesterday.

I just wrote an entire page about my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I was just about to hit post. Literally my mouse moved over the button "Publish Post."

And then this happened on my playlist.

Jump Rope - Blue October

And so it boils down to this. Today sucked, but tomorrow will be better.

"Cause life's like a jump rope"

Photo: Ben Ivory

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Pro-cras-ti-na-tion! *sung to the toon of Operation*

Yes indeed. Procrastination. So much to do today...and yet I just want to take a moment and reflect for a little bit.

Jesus got me through this crazy week. I'm not really sure how but he did it. How thankful I am to have such a great guy in my life. I think all the mass amount of test I had actually went ok. We'll see on Monday and Tuesday *crosses fingers*.

Palm Sunday today. I don't have any special thoughts about it. Just an observation of the day. And thankfulness. I feel silly, cause I never have great revelations around this time of year. I just feel thankful. I guess that's enough huh? But still, don't you ever feel silly when people are having these great revelations of Jesus and his love and you're just like...yup! He's pretty great.

Whatever! I'm happy. It's sunny. Spring is here. I'll officially say it. I get to see my family tomorrow. I have a short week this week. I get to go home for Easter. Let me say it again. Life is good.

A song that fits, despite my good mood. Reminds me of "500 Day of Summer". It's the link to her website, but you can find the song there.

It Won't be You - Tara Leigh Cobble

Photo: Summer♥

Friday, March 19, 2010

Awkward Love Song

I had a really crazy revelation today. I shall try to relay it. I was reading captivating and it asked you to picture a romantic scene from a movie. It started listing off Titanic and Lord of the Rings as examples. I love those movies. I think they are incredibly romantic, but I stopped and thought about the first scene that popped to my head.

You're gunna laugh at me!

I thought of the scene from "The Little Mermaid" where Eric takes Ariel around town and she gets excited and he just laughs at her.

Yes, that is romance to me. Goofy, awkward, let's just laugh together and be weird romance.

So here is my revelation.

In my head, Jesus was too sappy. I haven't let him completely romance me cause it felt too fake. It felt too clingy...

I want to have FUN with Jesus! To be goofy with him. A REAL relationship Jesus. And that's a part of him that I don't know. For a second I doubted it even existed. How could Jesus be playful? Could he? If he is, I've never been playful with him. I've never rolled over in tears cause we were laughing so hard together.

It was like I realized this huge part of our relationship was missing!

And so I asked him, "Hey, you! How do I get that part of you? I want the dangerous, playful Jesus. That's what I've been searching for! Does it exist?"

There was a part of me that I've been holding back from him. The part of me that didn't want to admit this to Jesus: That I'm disappointed in our relationship. That I want more. Whew.

There was a huge part of me that he didn't have. A HUGE part of me. It the piece of me that should be the core of us. I wasn't letting him be the man I need in my life. The strong man, but not abusive, but not "soft".

He can't hurt me, but I asked him, "Can you tease me? Is that allowed? Cause I like getting teased. Weird, but I do."

The answer I recieved: "I made Duck Billed Platypuses, Rhinos, and Hippos. I think I have a sense of humor! And I'm adventurous too! I'm not safe!"

And my reply?

"Woah...Jesus...uh...YOU'RE HOT!"

My mind was blown.

And that's why I've been writing down how he loves me in my journal. To see those unusual, wacky, goofy ways he loves me. I just haven't realized it yet.

Examples: Jesus loved me today me sunshine, helping me through my homework quickly, laughing with friends, a fun Walmart run, Maci dying my hair, awesome shoes for cheep!

"And heaven meets earth with a sloppy wet kiss" <----that's why I love that line. It's an awkward, funky love.

Pumpkins! That's why I love pumpkins! I would love awkward things! He would send me love notes in awkward packages!

He gets that Indie wanna-be-hippie part of me!

What the heck!

How did I not get this!?

There was a pretty big wall up.

I was embarrassed. He created me like this! HA! It sounds crazy, but I thought I was going to have to change him. I thought if we got too close he would be the "needy boyfriend." How weird! Why would he be like that!? He's the only person on this freakin' earth that can romance me perfectly!

"He want your deep heart, that center place within that is the truest you." - Captivating

First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes

Friday, March 12, 2010

All I want is the wind in my hair, to face the fear but, not feel scared

A lot has happened in 24 hours. A lot of good least I think so.

I got a call from the head of the ministry I'm going to Africa with last night. Team 1 (the team I was originally supposed to go with) is no longer going to Uganda. There were not enough people signed up. So Sherry asked me to switch to Team 2 and be gone July 4-July 19. I couldn't be more thrilled.

HTC (my old drama group) is disbanding. It kinda feels like a piece of me is dying. It was my second family growing up. But before it completely dies, we are doing one last performance, and it's set when I was supposed to be in Uganda. I was really upset when I found out cause I didn't want to miss this one last time to be a family, but now it looks like I won't have to.

Jesus is kinda amazingly awesome like that. Also, the price of my trip got lowered by about $500 because we are no longer traveling to Northern Uganda (a big bummer), but because of this I'm only about $200 away from having all the money I need. Incredible! I can't believe how much Jesus has provided financially for me. Sherry was in shock on the phone when I told her how much I had already raised.

My little cousins told my aunt who told my mom who told me that he thought I was very brave for going. Made me laugh. I don't feel brave really. I feel...well in all honesty scared. I'm so scared. I don't want to be. But there is so much. I'm staying overnight in London meaning I'll have to leave the airport and then get back. I had to switch planes a ton. And then getting to Africa, and being faced with poverty literally on all sides of me. And trying to find some way to love these give them hope. I just get to go home after this. That is their home...But maybe I'm just realizing that these people are bigger than me being a little scared. I know I won't know what it's like till I get there. Trust me, I plan on spending most of the trip in tears. But it'll be life changing. That's for sure.

"I wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to." - Wild Horses

Someone once told me while they were praying for me that they had a picture of a horse running. There wasn't anyone on the horse. It was almost like I was that horse. That was about four years ago and I've always held onto that picture. This song completely captures that.

Wild Horses - Natasha Bedingfield


Thursday, March 4, 2010

Happy International Scrapbooking Day: Choosing Jesus with my DNA and letting him stand inside my chest

I promised my AHD I wouldn't blog today, but I like K seem to develop a fondness for the bloggerspher when I have a test. Plus I just miss typing. It's rather fun when it isn't Spanish.

Today is International Scrapbooking Day, something I am rather fond of. I always make little scrapbook things on cardboard and stuff. I make cards that look like scrapbooks. I have a huge suitcase just full of magazines. It's such a relaxing way to spend an evening. That picture up there is one of my creations. So random, and yet, so cohesive. That's why I like scrapbooking. So, for the sake of celebrating this holiday my post might feel a little bit like a scrapbook page...random...but in the end cohesive.

I've been obsessed with the song "Skeleton Bones" lately. Occasionally I get into my head that I want to be a fighter. Like a carrying a sword charging into battle fighter. I'm not always a princess contrary to popular belief. I do have a wicked awesome warrior streak. One thing that helps me is my "warrior music" or "warrior literature."

Skeleton bones is one such song. When I listen to that song I'm ready to march into battle for the weak, the defenseless, the people that are tired of fighting for themselves. I mean really, "Peel back our ribs again and stand inside of our chest." What a freakin' cool image! So BA. I have Jesus standing inside my chest. Kinda weird...but so freakin' cool. I mean...who the heck is gunna mess with me if I have Jesus..BOOM! Right there standing inside my chest.

Warrior literature...gosh...when I find me some good warrior literature I just gotta tell everyone I know. One such poem I found in a book called "Red Moon Rising" by Pete Greig. Granted the whole book is "warrior literature," but this particular It's called "The Vision." It makes me want to save people. Ya know? I'll probably take it on the plane with me to Africa to get myself pumped up.

I guess all I'm trying to say is. It's a beautiful day outside, I'm ready to go to battle for the weak, I'm choosing to look forward from failure, and I really like skrapbooking.

Wow...random. Oh well!

Skeleton Bones - John Mark McMillan
The Vision Audio - Pete Greig
The Vision Text - Pete Greig