Senior Reading - December Part 1

On December 2nd (for anyone following my crazy calendar) I had the incredible honer of being invited to read at Missouri State English Department's Student Invitation Reading. 

That's a mouthful. 

My knees shook and my palms sweated and I was pretty sure that nobody cared one smidge about Africa or me. 

But I did it anyway.

It's funny how doing something you're scared of, while it's terrible in the moment, and even for a few minutes afterward, it's hardly ever regretted. Even if you make a fool of yourself. 

Cause hey, at least you  made a fool of yourself doing something worth doing. 

No one else can speak the words on your lips

photo props we heart it

And yet the prospect of studying does not intrigue me. And yet I procrastinate instead of write the stories down that I should be writing down. The stories that I promised myself I would write down.

I love stories. But is that enough to make it my major? I feel like one fell swoop could take me out and I would loose confidence and my will to push through and let my writing be read.

People tell me:

"If you don't learn to like yourself, how will anyone else?" - Elizabeth East

I just want to make sure I have something to say. I just want to make sure that you see what I see.

photo props we heart it

Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

All I want is the wind in my hair, to face the fear but, not feel scared

A lot has happened in 24 hours. A lot of good stuff...at least I think so.

I got a call from the head of the ministry I'm going to Africa with last night. Team 1 (the team I was originally supposed to go with) is no longer going to Uganda. There were not enough people signed up. So Sherry asked me to switch to Team 2 and be gone July 4-July 19. I couldn't be more thrilled.

HTC (my old drama group) is disbanding. It kinda feels like a piece of me is dying. It was my second family growing up. But before it completely dies, we are doing one last performance, and it's set when I was supposed to be in Uganda. I was really upset when I found out cause I didn't want to miss this one last time to be a family, but now it looks like I won't have to.

Jesus is kinda amazingly awesome like that. Also, the price of my trip got lowered by about $500 because we are no longer traveling to Northern Uganda (a big bummer), but because of this I'm only about $200 away from having all the money I need. Incredible! I can't believe how much Jesus has provided financially for me. Sherry was in shock on the phone when I told her how much I had already raised.

My little cousins told my aunt who told my mom who told me that he thought I was very brave for going. Made me laugh. I don't feel brave really. I feel...well in all honesty scared. I'm so scared. I don't want to be. But there is so much. I'm staying overnight in London meaning I'll have to leave the airport and then get back. I had to switch planes a ton. And then getting to Africa, and being faced with poverty literally on all sides of me. And trying to find some way to love these people...to give them hope. I just get to go home after this. That is their home...But maybe I'm just realizing that these people are bigger than me being a little scared. I know I won't know what it's like till I get there. Trust me, I plan on spending most of the trip in tears. But it'll be life changing. That's for sure.

"I wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to." - Wild Horses

Someone once told me while they were praying for me that they had a picture of a horse running. There wasn't anyone on the horse. It was almost like I was that horse. That was about four years ago and I've always held onto that picture. This song completely captures that.

Wild Horses - Natasha Bedingfield

photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/michellemcfarlane/