Friday, March 19, 2010

Awkward Love Song

I had a really crazy revelation today. I shall try to relay it. I was reading captivating and it asked you to picture a romantic scene from a movie. It started listing off Titanic and Lord of the Rings as examples. I love those movies. I think they are incredibly romantic, but I stopped and thought about the first scene that popped to my head.

You're gunna laugh at me!

I thought of the scene from "The Little Mermaid" where Eric takes Ariel around town and she gets excited and he just laughs at her.

Yes, that is romance to me. Goofy, awkward, let's just laugh together and be weird romance.

So here is my revelation.

In my head, Jesus was too sappy. I haven't let him completely romance me cause it felt too fake. It felt too clingy...

I want to have FUN with Jesus! To be goofy with him. A REAL relationship Jesus. And that's a part of him that I don't know. For a second I doubted it even existed. How could Jesus be playful? Could he? If he is, I've never been playful with him. I've never rolled over in tears cause we were laughing so hard together.

It was like I realized this huge part of our relationship was missing!

And so I asked him, "Hey, you! How do I get that part of you? I want the dangerous, playful Jesus. That's what I've been searching for! Does it exist?"

There was a part of me that I've been holding back from him. The part of me that didn't want to admit this to Jesus: That I'm disappointed in our relationship. That I want more. Whew.

There was a huge part of me that he didn't have. A HUGE part of me. It the piece of me that should be the core of us. I wasn't letting him be the man I need in my life. The strong man, but not abusive, but not "soft".

He can't hurt me, but I asked him, "Can you tease me? Is that allowed? Cause I like getting teased. Weird, but I do."

The answer I recieved: "I made Duck Billed Platypuses, Rhinos, and Hippos. I think I have a sense of humor! And I'm adventurous too! I'm not safe!"

And my reply?

"Woah...Jesus...uh...YOU'RE HOT!"

My mind was blown.

And that's why I've been writing down how he loves me in my journal. To see those unusual, wacky, goofy ways he loves me. I just haven't realized it yet.

Examples: Jesus loved me today me sunshine, helping me through my homework quickly, laughing with friends, a fun Walmart run, Maci dying my hair, awesome shoes for cheep!

"And heaven meets earth with a sloppy wet kiss" <----that's why I love that line. It's an awkward, funky love.

Pumpkins! That's why I love pumpkins! I would love awkward things! He would send me love notes in awkward packages!

He gets that Indie wanna-be-hippie part of me!

What the heck!

How did I not get this!?

There was a pretty big wall up.

I was embarrassed. He created me like this! HA! It sounds crazy, but I thought I was going to have to change him. I thought if we got too close he would be the "needy boyfriend." How weird! Why would he be like that!? He's the only person on this freakin' earth that can romance me perfectly!

"He want your deep heart, that center place within that is the truest you." - Captivating

First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes

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