I’ve come to the conclusion, I can not change myself

Trying to get ready for Africa is hard.

I'm not exactly sure what to be doing. I'm talking to Jesus. We're communicating. I'm packing. I'm shopping. I'm blogging. I'm washing clothing. I'm reading Romans 12:9-21 (amazing, check it out). I'm trying to prepare my heart.

But can I? Like seriously, I don't know what I'm getting into. I don't know how to love truly. If I could learn one thing from the people of Uganda it would be how to love like Jesus loves.

props to me for photo

I made a bag. Thanks to Connally for the idea. Or rather, thanks to Connally for making a bag that I blatantly ripped off for my own personal enjoyment. We'll just call it for what it is eh friend?

I have a feeling in reality, those kids will bring much more sunshine to my life then I will to theirs.

Jenny&Tyler wrote a song about my life right now. They aren't well known enough to be on youtube, so if you want to hear it visit their website and listen to it on their player. It's on the "This Isn't a Dream" album, called "Desperate Faces."

"maybe i should take a flight to see those desolate places | maybe try to step inside the minds of all those desperate faces | maybe my superficial eyes will finally be opened, and i will see them as you do | i want to see them as you do" - "Desperate Faces" by Jenny&Tyler

Ooh, I love my Coffee while listening to rain on a tin roof...among other things...like being done

Holy crap! How good do I feel to have that paper written....and better yet, to feel good about said paper! Awesome! Seriously guys, I totally kicked butt. I'm pretty excited. And I promised myself I wouldn't blog until I was done and I kept my promise. Woot!

So, things on my mind. Romans 12 blows my mind continually. Seriously, continually.

9-10Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

11-13Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

14-16Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

17-19Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."

20-21Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

This is literally the prayer of my heart for my life. And more importantly, for my time in Uganda. Be inventive in hospitality?! YES! I find that I'm not always the best at the things described in these verses. I'm judgemental, I sometiems want to get even, I don't always get the best of the devil by doing good. But you know what I like about Jesus? He has a way of totally convicting me of my behavior without completely destroying my soul. Ha.

He just gives me a slight prod in the rips...hey Hannah...look at this here. But guess what girly? We can fix it! And it's going to be totally fine......yes Jesus calls me girly. I think it's cute. Don't judge.

And he's gunna help me get to that point...cause he's pretty crazy awesome that way. He sees me when I'm at my worst and says that I take his breath away. Awesome! Who even needs a boy...not me! Who still wants a boy despite....haha...me! But he gets it. He pretty much just gets me perfectly. Can you tell me and Jesus are kinda feelin' the love right now. I feel like the sappy couple I hate. Ha.

These times are the best...when the lonliness isn't like a knawing at the back of my stomach and rather it's just a relization that, yes, I do want someone sometime, but for now. I'm good.

Ooh, I love my Coffee - Marc Black (funny as all get out)

I'll Be - Edwin McCain (I like to sing the verses to Jesus and let him sing the chorus back to me. "I'll be love suicide"...seriously...perfect!)

Smoothies and Backyard Weddings

Every girl dreams about her wedding day right? I mean, I'm not some crazy freak cause I pretty much have the whole thing planned, down to the flowers, the location, the dress.....the everything.

Yeah, ok, maybe it's a bit much.

I was out in my backyard yesterday and my mom wants me to get married in my backyard. Honestly, I love the idea. I've lived here my entire life....my brother's have lived here for their entire lives....my parents have lived here for almost 35 years. Geeze that's crazy. It's home, ya know? It will always be home.

P.S.- I love movies that make you nostalgic without even knowing the people. There is something about movies that take place in the 30/40's for me. AKA The Curious Case of Benjamen Button. SO good.

I'm also getting really good at making smoothies.

I love summer. I just don't want to get lazy. I've talked to M about this a bit, but I'm so scared I'm going to become a lukewarm christian this summer, and that is unacceptable. I just want to feel close to him all the time, but that's not really how it works yeah? You'll have times where he feels distant.

P.P.S- Mom is shopping for a trellis tomorrow for my wedding. Yeah.....she's more excited than I am. Now I just need to find the groom and insert. Ha.

"Roman's is like a giant piece of fudge, so good, but I can only take little pieces at a time or I get overwhelmed"

If you want your mind blown away read Romans 7 and 8. The Message translation is the best.

HoneySuckle OUT!

I don't know....I'm just rambling at this point