Just to be alive is a magic art

I make lists. I really like lists. I make lists of things to buy. I make lists of homework, of residents names who've won stuff, of apartment names. I make lists in my sleep. And let me tell you, there is no better feeling to me than crossing something off my list that I accomplished.

But I have this checklist. I've never written it down, but it's there. My checklist for myself, for my life. Read my bible daily. Be a good RA. Call my grandma. Give money to people in need. Visit with friends. Love people.

If I check them off...I win. I'm a better person. I get to cross that off for the day. I've made myself feel more worthy of Jesus' love.

If I read my bible and journal every night and talk to Jesus then I get the check off "be a good Christian." If I call my grandma I get to check off "love someone I don't like" for the day.

Does anything sound a little wrong here? Does this sound like a pretty shoddy way to live?

I didn't really even realize I was doing it, until today, when I had a bad day. Just one bad day to make me realize a whole mess of things. Just one day where I didn't check off as many things as I wanted to.

I've been having good days. I've been having fantastic days. I've been singing and dancing and humming my way through life. And I thanked Jesus for it, I praised Jesus for it, I gave him the glory..for about 5 seconds.

And then I started to rely on myself for happiness. I started checking things off. Work out. Check. Write. Check. Potter's House time. Check. Call mom. Check.

Guess what didn't make the cut...praise Jesus....(insert blank space where I check should be)

Sampson talked tonight about how dozing off in our Christian life can lead to a deep sleep. I'm tired of falling asleep and living in a check list. Living in a check list sucks, I'm just throwin' that out there. Seriously, cause nobody can check off everything! It's impossible.

Jesus doesn't live by checklists. He doesn't look at his beloved kids and go, "Ok, I'm gunna fix this, this, and this. Check, check, check. Ok, she's a grown up Christian now." Ha. He lives by moments. He lives by breathing into each day. He lives by loving us in every way imaginable. He loves us in ways we understand. He loves us in ways we don't understand. He breathes magic into every single day.

And so I add one last thing to my list.

Stop making checklists -

This is Home (Every Breath is Magic) - Switchfoot (I've posted this a few times before, but this song is really speaking to me again)

photo courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/thenmaysuhsaid/