Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Ain't misbehavin', I'm savin' my love for you

"You're really pretty."

I was walking out of the library today when a guy smokin' a cig with some friends called this after me as I climbed in my car.

I stopped, not really sure quite how to react. I ended up calling a hurried thank you over my shoulder as I got in my car.

As I drove down the street, I couldn't help smiling in spite of myself. Yeah, I don't exactly like getting hit on while I'm trying to run a few errands. But there was something in the way he said it. He wasn't trying to get my number, he didn't get up to follow me or make any effort to say anything else, he didn't wolf whistle or call me a hottie or something. He just made a small comment.

And despite myself, I was very flattered.

Sometime I get sick of being single. My best friend is engaged right now, and my other one is close behind her. I'm not really even close. Most of the time I like it. Today, listening to Jazz in the upstairs room of POHO I'm lonely.

I was out till 2 am last night with an old friend. He recently broke up with a girl friend. We went to a RA meeting, and after I wasn't ready to go to bed. I kidnapped him and we got coffee. After, because he was so hyper, we ended up driving north until we found a dead end and laying out looking at the stars and talking for about an hour.

I found out a lot about my old friend in this hour. More than I thought was possible to hear in one night. He kept apologizing, saying he never rambled like this. I enjoyed hearing him.

But I think that's probably the most lonely I've felt for awhile. Listening to someone talk about seeing that special someone across the subway station and just holding them for five minutes, all while laying in the middle of nowhere under a huge roof of stars.

Yeah, lonely is a good word.

Very few people know about my huge obsession with old jazz. I consider Ella, Frank, Dean, Billie and Nat old friends.

So I guess in the words of Billie, "No one to talk with, All by myself, No one to walk with, But I'm happy on the shelf Ain't misbehavin',I'm savin' my love for you."

Ain't Misbehavin'
- Billie Holiday

photo by TakenPictures'

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