Well Earned Soul

"But in the meantime we've got it hard 
Second floor living without a yard 
It may be years until the day 
My dreams will match up with my pay" 

-Mushaboom (Feist)

Occasionally I write bad poetry. 

That is not to say the rest of the time I write good poetry. I just don't write the rest of the time. 

But usually when I'm writing poetry it's an attempt to capture the purest feeling that I am feeling at that moment and bottle it up and show it to other people and hope that little bit of feeling looks familiar to them. 

Like they have a bottle in their pocket with the same feeling. 

I think this is how a lot of artists feel (far be it from me to use that word to describe myself). And occasionally I'll be listening to another artist's words and they'll jump out of the pages and speak to me. So clearly, so precisely  I have to pull out my own little bottle of feelings and compare because that person must have stolen mine. 

"But I went to Walden Pond a year ago, just to see and feel the place, just to walk alone around the water, and they've made a suburb out of it. It hurts to hear the traffic rolling in through the trees...and I wonder if Walden exists anymore. I am not talking about the real Walden...I am talking about the earth God meant to speak before we finished His sentence." - Donald Miller (Through Painted Deserts) 

Sometimes I don't like feeling things, especially when I feel like I can't communicate them into words for the people around me. It feels like I'm stuck behind a black curtain holding out my bottle of feelings for nobody in particular. 

But sometimes, somebody will reach back blindly, holding their little bottle of feelings out to me, and I remember that we're, none of us, alone. 

“Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.”

Written by: Kalyn RoseAnne 

(via Little Reminders of Love) 

I'm curious, are there any artists that make you feel this way?

Wedding Wonderment: The Reception Look

I would have been lost the day of the wedding without our fantastic florist and decorators at Blue Bouquet. If you are looking for an incredible florist look no further  They are one of the best in the city.

The thing I loved most about Blue Bouquet is they encouraged me to be as involved or as removed as I wanted to be from the design process. The things I wanted to be picky about (like the overabundance of pumpkins) they let me be picky about, but the things I didn't care about as much (types of flowers in the decor) they just went with something that would look good with the overall look. 

Isaac and I went hunting and found some vintage comic books to use in the decor to give it a fun flair and we even found a wedding one from Superman. So cute. The burlap was plentiful and mason jars were everywhere (all things I had requested in our consultation). It was so rustic and beautiful. And look at it lit up at night!

Their team spent so much time hanging string bulb from the rafters of the outdoor location to achieve this look. It was so worth it don't you think? A perfect soft glow. 

The desert table was a joint effort (and one of my favorite things of the day). I made the cinder blocks painted different colors (thank you pinterest), my Aunt loaned me the smaller of the tree stump cupcake holders, I bought the large cupcake holder and the cake topper via etsy from some fabulous sellers, the amazing Melissa Hill made my cupcakes and small cake for the top as a wedding present, and Blue Bouquet brought in the large apothecary jars and set the whole thing up. 

The cake was incredible. I found the cake holder on Tex and Paula's shop on etsy. They do amazing work. The wood was all untreated and smelled amazing. They had it to us just in time for the big day. The cake topper actually has a fun story behind it. I was browsing Offbeat Bride (a fantastic website for unique ideas) and they featured a wedding with this cake topper. I fell in love and commented asking where the bride had gotten it and she offered to make me one! Gasp! Her etsy shop is amazing, and I'm sure if you wanted a cake topper that was similar she'd be more than willing to make another. 

While Blue Bouquet did most of our decor, my mom's friend set up the front drive for us with the sign made by another of my mom's friends reading "Eat, Drink, and Be Married." It set the mood as people came in the front. 

Last was our incredible "guest book." I had the idea to imitate the up house with the thumb prints being the balloons but I'm no artist so I took my idea to one of my bridesmaids moms, Anna Poindexter, and she painted this for us. It now hangs in our bedroom as a reminder of all the people who love us and shared our day with us. 

Whew! That was quite the post. Here are the vendors:

Photography: Abundant Life Photography

Decor and Floral: Blue Bouquet

Cupcakes: Melissa Hill

Cake Stand: Tex and Paula

Cake Topper: Amanda Kaliski Alvarez

No question

Tig Notaro. Enough said. It's so incredibly worth the listen. 

Week 26

1) This. Just. Yes.

2) SNL this week. Do yourself a favor and go watch. Such a hysterical opening. 

3) Better Homes and Gardens website. Specifically this article on Cottage Kitchens. 

As you can tell, things are a little tight right now in the Snail house so I redecorate my house in pinterest. 

4) The smell of fresh laundry

5) I have no idea why this is as funny as it is. 

Happy Monday!

If I live the life I've been given, I won't be scared to die

"And now I spend my days in search of a woman we called purpose

And if I ever pass back through her town I'll stay"

- The Avett Brothers 

My brother has some of the best taste in music of anyone I've met. He was the person that bought me my first Jack Johnson, Sufjan Stevens, and Fleet Foxes CD (yes this was when it was still CDs). 

Among many things, something I miss most is riding in his car and grabbing his I-pod to see who in the world possesses the beautiful voice that was coming from his speakers. 

I'm not sad. I keep telling myself that and I'm not sure why. Maybe because it's true, but my thoughts make it seem like I am. I'm... dissatisfied. Almost worse really. I don't feel sad but I want more. I want to feel the wonderful of my life more. 

I suppose that comes down to wanting more stuff too, which really won't help anything so it makes me feel dumb to want more. Yes, I want stuff, but not the stuff you might think.

I want a backyard with a garden and a tea set, welcoming friends to come and sit and rest and stay. I want a view of the mountains and hiking trails in my backyard. I want to be modivated to exercise and eat well and I want to grow my own food. I want to travel and meet people and raise babies to children and children to adults and live in the city and live in the country and live without electricity and sew my own dresses that are beautiful. 

I want to live, not the life I've been given, but the life I'm creating in my head. 

But that's not the life I'm given now. We don't have the money to move to Colorado and travel to New York and buy a house with a big backyard. We have enough to buy groceries and dog food. That's the life I've been given now, and I want to start living it before it goes away. I need to start living it before it goes away. 

Am I alone in this? Or is this a human emotion, to want a life that's so much bigger than the one you've been given for the time being. What do you think?

Wedding Wonderment: The Wedding Party

When it came time to choose our wedding party it wasn't very hard. Every single person in our wedding party has had a significant impact on one, if not both, of our lives. Many of these friends (siblings of course being longer) had been in our lives for over 10 years. 

After Isaac and I had our first look we got together with everyone to take pictures and goof off for about an hour before the guests started to arrive. I didn't know it at the time, but this was about the only time that whole day I got to spend with these important people and it was so sweet and fun. 

We even had a few visitors as were were taking shots sneak in with us. 

We decided we wanted to keep the dress pretty casual and cheep. Some of our wedding party was traveling in from out of town and we wanted to keep any cost we could down. I knew I wanted our colors to be bright and fun without overpowering everything and looking like a circus. I went to a fabric store and picked out fabric that was in the colors I wanted. Then I just sent the swatches to all my bridesmaids and they picked a dress in that color. I didn't like the idea of having all my bridesmaids in the same dress. I wanted to be able to see their personalities come out when I looked back on our wedding photos 20 years later. They all looked so beautiful.

 The guys all went out and got the same pair of pants (JC Penny) and just paired it with a white shirt and shoes they already had. I ordered the suspenders and bow ties together so they would all look the same. Don't they look handsome?

My favorite pictures were what we captured on the old couch we brought in for the wedding. This couch, fondly called the pit, had been in my family for 30+ years. My mom has pictures of all of us kids crawling, laying, wrestling, and playing on this couch. 

And most of our wedding party had partied on the couch on one night or another, watching movies or playing games in high school. 

It was perfect that it's last hurrah was with people that loved it dearly. 

Also, I can't get over how cute our two little flower girls and ring bearer were. Instead of throwing flowers, they carried a sign that said "Here comes the bride." Got the "aw" factor up for sure. 

Vendors featured:

Abundant Life Photography

Reconcile Yourself

I'm not sure why reconciliation has been on my heart so much lately. Probably cause I'm reading so much darn Donald Miller. But I think people forget how important reconciliation can be. In the bible, Jesus talks about it in the same breath as hate and murder, saying even as someone is dragging you to the jailer to reconcile yourself to him.

Ouch. 

I think in America there is a mentality of "screw them." If someone has a problem with you, screw them. You don't care about their opinion anyway. And yes, God's opinion is the ultimate opinion, your worth comes from him, but doesn't that then free us up to reconcile ourselves to others without feeling like we're doing it so everyone will like us? Rather the motivation comes from following the only one who does matter. 

I don't know, I guess I just feel convicted. And that's good, and hurts. But maybe they're growing pains. Who knows. 

And it makes me thankful for the times I have reconciled myself to others. 

Because if I hadn't, I would be without a source of very good things indeed.