Monday, December 28, 2009

You can't deny you want a happy ending

It's hard to bring myself to post again after my Christmas post as it's been getting a lot of traffic, so if you're looking for that one you'll find it below, but I just watched an amazing movie and need to process a bit.

Spoiler Alert! Don't read if you don't want (500) Days of Summer spoiled somewhat.

I just finished watching (500) Days of Summer. I truly believe it's a must see for all girls...well really just all people in general, but especially females. And it's interesting that the "girl" is actually the boy in the story. The boy that falls in love with the wrong girl.

I think every girl has gone through what he's gone through. The feeling of knowing...knowing without a doubt that you are going to marry someone. Knowing that no matter how bad things get that they are completely and totally the one for you...

And then having to watch yourself be wrong.

I have. I have, without a doubt, known I was going to marry someone.

And then watched myself be wrong.

It was such a heart awakening for me, watching him go through the same doubts I did. Watching him rejecting love of all kind. Watching him doubt that love even exists and become bitter. Watching him watch her. My heart seems to keep coming out of a deep sleep. I'm not the only one who has done this. Cause let me tell you, you feel pretty stupid when you finally realize after a year or so that it's just not going to happen...that it's not what is meant to be. It sucks to feel so wrong about something...but I think it's part of our nature as humans.

I was talking to Aunt M yesterday. I seem to be talking to a lot of people lately. But we were talking about how we as humans want to figure everything out and make everything make sense right now and how that's really just cutting ourselves off from our heart. When we try to figure things out in our head before God's timing it cuts of off from enjoying what's right before us.

I wrote a song about loving someone I shouldn't. And in the song, I end up with that person. That's not how that story really ends. It's been a long time coming, and I've known for awhile that it's not how the story ends. But the prideful part of me didn't want to admit it.

I think sometimes when a story ends we're scared there's no sequel. But Jesus is a pretty amazing author. And he has so many more creative things for us. We just need to learn how to let go and embrace them. I need to learn to let go and embrace them.

I worry, like every other girl my age I think, that I won't find the boy that is meant for me...I tell people that I've had the worst year ever when it comes to boys. That they suck and I'm giving up on them for good. But that's not really right. They just weren't the right ones. Or as Summer put it when she does finally find the right one...

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.

Tom: Knew what?

Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

Tom was sure. Summer wasn't. Tom got hurt...but it's not the end of the story. You have to pick up the sequel. Or keep turning the pages. So I'm wrong. I'll admit it. I'm wrong. The story didn't happen in reality like the one in my head. But I'm gunna keep turning. I'm gunna pick up the sequel. And I'm gunna let Jesus be the author instead of me (even if I do like to write).

Musical Inspiration

She's Got You High: Mumm-Ra

Us: Regina Spektor


  1. I've been there too, Love. It doesn't matter that we were wrong, but it does matter how we react to our being wrong. We can either let it change us or we can refuse to let it change us.

    I'm so proud of you!! You are such an amazing young woman! Love, Love, Love!!

  2. Hannah,
    I love love love (500) Days of Summer. Also, I think it's really cool that you can see yourself growing in this area. I'm right with you, girl. You know how a lot of people use the phrase, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours" in relation to God? I really like that phrase, and recently figured out that the inverse is true too; we can ask God to not break out hearts for what does not break His. I haven't fully worked this out, but at least in the area of romantics it's really helped me figure out a few things - my being single does not break the heart of God and therefore shouldn't break mine because it's what's best.

    In short, I'm really proud of you...and think you're really cool.

  3. Wow, LOVED your post! Yearn, ache, long...the grieving out of disappointment & hopes dashed...all for the sake of LOVE. All heart-stretching, heart-expanding possibilities! May it take your heart even deeper & wider than it already is! (Of course, I'm not crazy - I'd prefer my heart to be expanded by Love FOUND than Love LOST...but knowing my heart's capacity for LOVE is enlarged as I open up in my grief (the letting go) brings sweet & higher meaning to it all! Keep living the story of your life within the Greater Story, Hannah! Here's to Happy Endings! "...and they lived happily ever afer forever & ever & ever & ever......"