Gah! So late. And I have to get up early for church. But I need to write it all down so I don't forget.
Ever have one of those Jesus times where he tells you so much in a very short amount of time and you're on information overload? Yeah. Welcome to my world on a weekly basis.
It started this evening. CB and BC (ha) got married. And M and I prayed after and she brought up something like, "Jesus, don't let my heart go to the place it usually does after weddings." It was the very prayer that I was scared to pray for myself. Because it was 9:00 PM, I had just been to a wedding, and now I was alone...very alone.
So I tried to read my bible...play guitar a bit since LE gave me pep talk about music. Nothing was helping. My heart was slowly going to that depressed place. It's not like my heart hasn't known that place lately. That depressed place and my heart have been pretty close lately. They've grown to be quite comfortable with each other actually.
And so I went to my fall back plan. I have a small collection of movies that make me cry...especially when I need to cry but can't. So I went to my collection. The collection consists of Little Women, Peter Pan (live action), The Secret Garden, and Prince Caspian...at least those are the mains ones. You might ask what all of these random movies have in common with each other, and I will tell you. I connect on a deep heart level with each one of these movies. All of these movies make me nostalgic...like I secretly was in them in my dreams or another life or something
I've always related to Jo from Little Women and her bravery to step out into the unknown as a writer. I've always considered myself feisty like her and never fully ready to grown up. She also has this deal with loving herself that I relate to. But it works out for her. And she has Beth. I cry every time Beth dies cause I feel the sister I never had dying with her. A bit dramatic...but just go with it. It's 1 AM and I'm nostalgic.
Peter Pan. Well this one is fairly obvious to someone who knows me. I love the notion of never growing up. And for some reason, I feel like I know Peter. Weird I know. Maybe I had crazy dreams about him when I was little, but there is a sense of Deja-vu when I watch Peter Pan.
The Secret Garden. It's always reminded me of the secret place. Always. And the finding a secret that nobody else can share except you. Just your secret. And cultivating it and watching it grown. And Mary, she isn't wanted, but she finds her place in the Secret Garden. I relate very deeply to that.
And finally, the pick of my night, Prince Caspian. I don't think I've ever fully understood why I connected with this movie until tonight. I just knew it made me cry when I couldn't so I went with it. But in the Chronicles of Narinia there is this little girl named Lucy. And she's pretty incredible. And I realized tonight that the true prayer of my heart is to be a Lucy.
Lucy loves through all things. She hopes through all things. And above all else, she has faith in Aslan (Jesus) through all things. This is completely the prayer of my heart. To love, hope, and have faith like Lucy. And I didn't realize it until tonight when Jesus quietly whispered in my ear, "You are a Lucy," when she came out onto that bridge with Aslan behind her. And it hit me how much I want that.
And yeah there were some tears, some tremendous pain as I worked through some disappointments. Some hurts, some failures, some attacks. But Jesus just kept whispering "You're a Lucy." What a guy. What a guy to hold me and rock me when I'm at my worst. Did I mention those movies make me cry every time?
I don't know how to wrap up this post. So I'll leave you with the soundtrack of these 4 movies...which speaks volumes to me. Pretty much as much as the movies themselves. They are incredible songs. Take a listen :-)
"For the Beauty of the Earth" - Little Women
"Fairy Dance" - Peter Pan
"Winter Light" - The Secret Garden
"The Call" - The Chronicles of Narinia: Prince Caspian
"This is Home (Every Breath is Magic)" - The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian