Changes

My life looks drastically different than I thought it would at this time in my life. And it's been making me think. A lot. When you mapquest for 5 hours every day you have time to think. 

About what is the same as before graduation.

Like Mario 64 lunch breaks. 

And what's different. 

Like the absence of coffeehouses. That I don't have homework. I have a fiance. I'm trying to maintain close friendships over 5 timezones (family overseas is a complicated thing). 

I've always wanted an adventurous life. But when it comes right down to the adventure, I tend to chicken out. I worry. I get insecure. And I convince myself that it's better to just work and save and spend my evenings  pinning things to do in the future, but never quite finding time to do them. 

"Comparison is the thief of joy"

I've been comparing my life. To what I thought it should be. To the lives I see in documentaries. To my life pre-graduation. 

And while I'm not completely joyless, far from it, I realized I've been stressing myself out for no reason. Stressing about things that didn't matter for today.

So forgive me love, if I forget that our life is for adventure. Just keep reminding me. I promise I'll do better. 

I'm a new soul. I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take

photo props we heart it

When people ask me if I'm ok, my first instinct is to say, "I'm not so great right now."

Then they ask why, and the problems begin. Because I don't know why. But there is a unrest feeling right down in the very core of me.

Maybe it's cause now that a new future is presenting itself I'm full of anxious energy for it. And at every turn I'm hearing the question, "What do you want to do before you die?"

And I can only reply, "so much."

Or maybe it's because the more unrestful (pretend it's a word for me ok?) I get, the more I turn in on myself trying to figure out the problem, when really I should turn outward and look at other people.

Ready to hear something cheesy?

"Put Jesus first and others second and put yourself at the end of the line and you will find true joy in your life through J-O-Y" - Radio JOY

But after all this I feel compelled to ask anyone who was able to muddle their way through that confusing blog post...

photo props we heart it

New Soul - Yael Naim (I want to live in this music video)

The Challenge to Love like a Disney Princess

It's hard to decide what to write about when you're half asleep. I thought having classes done would return my sense of joy. I'm relieved yes....joyful....not to much. Proof yet again that Jesus is truly the only way for me to experience full Joy. Notice the capital "J."

And so I'm at a place again of need for him. And I need a drink from that living spring it talks about all through the bible...problem...I can't find the drinking fountain. Anyone know where it is? Cause pretty sure it's not anywhere where I am right now.

And so I wait. Waiting for Jesus sucks sometimes but it's always worth it in the end.

And then Jesus gave me a challenge tonight as I was writing and thinking. The love challenge.....hm....we shall see. My challenge is based on a verse in Romans 12

"Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality."

Find a way to love someone everyday and write it down. And think of a way that Jesus showed me love everyday and write it down.

Everyday.

I'm bad at everyday. This will be a hard challenge. But I'm slowly learning that love is the center of who Jesus is, and therefore the center of who I am. Without love I am nothing. And to love is my calling in life.

Someone told me today that I remind them of a Disney Princess. At first I was slightly insulted....but not for the reason you'd think. I was insulted because I didn't feel worthy of the title. These women are fighters and lovers, and I'm.....not. Think about it....love like a Disney Princess? Hard! They were purposefully written to be like the most perfect women on the face of the planet.

Cinderella found a way to be joyful even in the worst circumstances. If I was locked in a tower with just mice for friends you can bet I would have gone nuts.

Snow White was diligent in her work and made it fun, and was even was happy through the whole thing. And loved Grumpy through it all? Seriously? Ha! I would have kicked him in the butt!

Aurora (Sleeping Beauty for all you non-disney fans) was obedient but opened her heart up for dreaming too. She loved her Fairy Godmothers and the crazy things they did, but also dreamed about a better life without hiding.

Ariel was a firecracker but found beauty and wonder in the simple things. She loved someone and something that her father hated for no reason. And she saw through the lies about humans and loved.

Belle loved a Beast even when she didn't have to and found the beauty in something ugly and brought that beauty out.

Jasmine loved someone despite their station in life.

Are you seeing the common theme? Loving and persevering through all things? And one huge thing...these women were hopeful through all things. And they loved through all things. Yeah, they sometimes had a little help along the way, yeah these girls had faults too, like anyone. They were rebellious and made mistakes....but those faults were part of what made the ending beautiful. If I can love half as much as these women I'll be a fairly happy camper.

I miss staying up late in the coffee house already. I'll have to find one when I'm home to go write. Finally writing is starting to become my obsession. 'Bout time. It's only been my major for roughly a year. BAHAHA.

I'm pretty random sometimes.

I love Disney....and this song....

Disney Princess Video

Castles, Coffee, and Banana Pancakes....And maybe a few Snails (Things that bring me joy)

Joy...It seems like something so simple to have. When I google searched joy, the first hit was a site for textiles....hm....not exactly my idea of joy. It's funny, I feel like in church they are always telling you about joy. When I searched bible verses for joy....holy cow, my search engine couldn't take it. It's one of the fruits of the spirit. It seems like there is something huge to be found in joy. And it seems like how much it's talked about in the bible, it is something that people struggle with a lot.

I myself don't so much. It's weird...I have all these things I have that I want to change about myself....all these things I see wrong with myself...I'm judgemental of people and complain just to complain, to mention a few. But in general I can find joy in most every situation. Now I'm not saying I don't have my off days. Trust me, there are days when I just want to knaw a cookie into a knife and stab someone (thank you JB for that quote.) But for the most part there are very small things in life that make me happy. It's the thing I had/have going for me. I remind myself of the song "Snails" by The Format that KT blogged about last. "Snails see the benafit, the beauty in every inch." Yeah...I like that. I think this is the first time I will be ok with comparing myself to a snail.

But this week, the devil, being the bastard that he is, tried to take that away from me. I found myself not caring about anything much really, especially the stuff that I used to really get joy out of. Yeah, I was not very happy with him. And I tried to combat it myself. Ha...yeah...not pretty. And to make it worse I had to get rid of my pumpkins this week. Yeah....talk about literally throwing joy away. Sad.

But then I realized I was looking for joy in the wrong places. Because yes, I get joy out of tons of crazy things (see list at the end of this post to see HOW crazy), but that joy is a gift directly from Jesus. After all, all good things come from Jesus and joy is deffinetly a good thing. And when I stopped turning to him for the ultimate joy, of course the other things weren't gunna bring me joy. Stupid stupid Hannah. Ha. And so I asked, and did he deliver. Because I named him my ultimate joy....and let the rest follow.

There is nothing better to me than listening to good music with my earphones in, sitting in a coffee shop with a huge cup of coffee not doing the homework I came to do.

Yes....It's true. Like Molasses I'm a procrastinator. Pretty sure she writes about that portion of her personality every time she writes a blog. It makes me giggle.

Speaking of things that make me happy, we come to the point of this post, to both combat the devil and to celebrate my new found joy I made a list of all the things that bring me joy...and I'd like to share part of it with you. So here you go, a little gift from me to you. Merry freakin' Christmas. Ha.

Joy: Jesus, C.H.E.M. (Cadie, Hannah, Emily and Maci), friends, family, pumpkins, Christmas, music (there are just far too many artists to mention), guitar, piano, singing, making music (writting), writing poetry, Lee Ellen singing (cause I'm listening to her right now), bike ridding, dressing up (in costume or just fancy), coffee, typing (yes I get joy just from typing on a keyboard), POHO, C3, Woods House, buttons, cartoons, Disney (and Disney Princesses), old book smell, the back shelves in a library, driving, stargazing, presents (giving and recieving), Africa, bumperstickers (facebook or otherwise), my dog, making eye contact with someone you don't know and just smiling, the feeling of a new relationship, animatronic christmas decorations (there is a moving bear in the Coffee Shop....hence it makes me happy), blue eyes, Johnny Depp, fall, people crawling through vents like the movies, skydiving, making things out of magazines, laying in grass, picnics, kites, musicians that haven't made it big yet, weddings, photo shoots, art, reading, knitting, N64, reconecting with an old friend, seeing someone in a movie and not remembering what else they were in then finally remembering, my residents, fishing, corn fields, mud squished between your toes, swimming in lakes, the ocean, sunsets, theatre, cheesey music (don't judge), board games, old school Nick, and much much more....this list is getting too long for this post.

And so, I hope I have brought a smile to your face. Jesus always comes through. It's pretty cool. I kinda like him for that.

Songs that Bring me so much joy I have had each one of these songs on repeat for at least a day in my lifetime:
The Call: Regina Spektor
The First Single: The Format
Be Be Your Love: Rachel Yamagata (love to dance to this)
Let Go: Frou Frou
Tortilla Chips Song: T Bizzy