The Worlds Got Me Dizzy Again

Well if "dizzy" didn't describe my life a few days ago it sure does now. There is something about the utter exhaustion that RA training does to my body that feels unlike anything ever. Probably cause it's a self induced exhaustion. I love it...I hate it. It's part of what makes my life interesting.

People ask me a lot why I'm an RA. I've been trying to figure out exactly why myself lately. I'm not gunna lie. There are times when I wake up in the middle of the night to my phone ringing thinking, "Why the heck do I do this to myself." Or when all my friends are hanging out on the weekend and I can't go cause I'm on duty. Or when friends ask me why I've not been around lately...that's the worst one. Cause as much as I care about my friends, my job has to come first. I feel like I'm letting them down on those nights. Those night suck. Those night make me want to kiss Reslife goodbye and never look back.

But if it was all bad no one would do it. I thought for a long time that the biggest reason was for the money incentive, but when I think about coming back next year even, it's not the money I'm thinking about.

I think about the residents that come in my room crying just to talk about a crappy test or a broken heart. I think about the residents that come running into my room, slam the door, lock it, and tell me not to open it for their roommate for anything. I think about the residents who get stuck on the top bunk and laugh their way down after 15 minutes. I think about the residents that dress up as Disney Princesses with me. I think about the residents that are finding out who they are gunna be, who are exploring college, who stay up late playing video games, who dress up as anima characters and take pictures.

That's really why I do my job. I can ramble on about the incentives and the money, but I don't much care about that stuff. It's the girls that I get to see break out of their shells. It's so much fun!

And so I sit in my room and wait for the floor to fill back up and another semester of adventures to start. They'll be those 5 am calls that I hate and the nights I can't head over to Potter's for some coffee....but they'll be those Disney Scene-It nights too. Exciting! Bring it on Spring semester!

Inspiration

Landlocked Blues - Bright Eyes

photo curtosey of flickr user Nick Scribner http://www.flickr.com/photos/scribner/2990360882/

I had a dream, that I could fly from the highest swing

Wow

If my heart keeps getting awakened like this every day I'm gunna have to start blogging every 12 hours. This is just pure craziness. 4 months of desert and then, boom. Love outpouring. So good. I don't know why now, but I'm just gunna go with it. Cause I sure needed it.

I started a challenge about a week ago. Find a creative way to love someone everyday and write it down. Along with this, I also write down a way that Jesus loved me. I read a good friends blog tonight about how much Jesus loves us, and in her blog she challenged the reader to stop...and just think about Jesus and his love.

When I did, he challenged me to read back my past week of ways that Jesus has loved me. How much I don't remember..... Jesus was there when I was walking around taking pictures Tuesday night. He was there when I was in a kitchen covered in chocolate learning and old family recipe, he was there when I was crying in front of 30 people over Disney Princess toys.

I once heard a teacher at church say that God likes to play hide and seek like any father does with his kids. She set the scene for us, the father hides from the child, behind a chair or under a bed. But he wants to be found. That's the whole point of the game, the finding. If the father really wanted to hide he could just get in his car and go to Home Depot. But he doesn't. He hides and waits for us to find him. And sometimes as children we think that God got up, took his keys, and drove to Home Depot. But he didn't. He's waiting, smiling in the corner, waiting for us to find him. It's not a mean hiding, it's a game. It's what makes life exciting. The looking.

You know what changed. Nothing. Jesus didn't start doing anything different. I didn't get my joy back because he started doing something different. I got it back cause I started looking and seeing. And I started letting people look at me.

Tonight was what my girls and I fondly refer to as CHEMMas (CHEMM christmas.) CHEMM is a group...really a family. Cadie, Hannah, Emily, Maci and Moree. People always tell me that we'll stop being friends, but our traditions live, therefore so does our family. They are my sisters, they are my mothers, they are my brothers, they are my best friends.

As I drove home from CHEMMas filled with warmth and happiness I got a phone call from Emily, who insisted that I get Maci on the line as well. And she told us the news. She's engaged! We found out less than 10 minutes after it happened. I could barely keep from screaming outright in Blockbuster where I had stopped off to get movies.

I rushed over to see her ring and give her a hug. And I started crying on the way over. Everything is changing, and while I love changed, I'm also an incredibly nostaligic person. CHEMM is changing. We have to make room for husbands now. She's the first one of us to get engaged and before long married.

I don't know what this has to do with the rest of this blog, but it has to do with me and my mixbag of emotions right now. It has to do with the pure meloncoly joy, bliss, and bittersweet nostalgia that is overtaking me as I sit cuddled up in my bed in my Disney socks and fleece PJs.

And yes, Jesus is constant. His love is constant. In a crazy world where people get engaged and the world starts spinned....

Spinning like a little girl on a summer day. Looking straight up at the cloud and trying not to get dizzy.

I'm dizzy.

But I'm good. It's a good kind of dizzy I think.

Yeah...a good dizzy.

Maci made me a new theme songs CD. She outdid herself. This song is me...perfectly. Perfectly and absolutly. I haven't stopped listening to it.

Dream - Priscilla Ahn