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I haven't had time to stop for about a week, and really...I should still be going right now, but do you ever just figure...despite everything, despite the fact that I have a test tomorrow and a poem to write and shopping to get done and Spanish to study, I'm just going to stop.

Yeah...it's nice. I wasn't going to stop, but I started listening to a song K put on her blog, Glitter in the Air. Awesome. Thanks K. It really just make my day so much better.

I just went to title my blog, "half past the point of oblivion" (a lyric from the song) and I realized that K had already titled her blog that. MAHA. We really do think alike K.

I turn 21 tomorrow and I'm still not quite sure who I am or who I'm going to be. I'm pretty much ok with this. I'm learning slowly. I'm discovering my heart slowly. It's like a little present I unwrap a little more everyday. Or as Shrek put it, an onion. People have been embracing all of these layers I have which makes it a little easier to keep pealing.

I had an conversation with my poetry teacher today. I'm in the funk, this place where I have a completely inability to write, and I've felt so discouraged. He had some great suggestions. I have hope again. I have faith that I really am supposed to be writing for some reason...I just haven't gotten that far in the layers of Hannah's heart yet.

I sometimes still feel lonely. I'm sometimes bitter to the fact that I haven't had a boyfriend for a year and a half. But I wouldn't be this interested in knowing myself if I had a boyfriend. I wouldn't have this much time to figure out exactly who I am. It's like I'm falling in love with my own heart. Is that egotistical? Maybe? Hm...well, it's how I feel...I'll go with it.

*sigh* I love quiet afternoons. Now if I can just make it till tomorrow when mommy comes down.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

Glitter in the Air - Pink

Photo courtesy of: http://fun.themangoblog.com/2009/02/valentines-day-love-pictures.html

Blue Eyes

It's funny how I find a kindred spirit and a musical soulmate all in one package, wrapped up with crazy hair, amazing fashion, a listening ear and a sense of humor to boot.

Or that I found a person that is not ashamed to know every aspect of my entire life, and love me through it. That knows the secrets that I didn't even want Jesus to know.

Or that I found someone that makes me laugh, literally, till I cry, and has changed my thinking with the revolutionary idea of "fluid areas"......and made me laugh while changing my life. That's talent.

Or that I find someone so perfect for me (in my own opinion) that it literally causes me physical pain, but I wouldn't trade friendship for anything. Selfish perhaps. I'm working on that one.

I wrote another song last night. Actually, it's kinda funny. I was looking through one of my old journals from when I was 15, and I found it tucked away between the pages. I rewrote some of the verses and put music to it. It's funny that not a lot changes in 5 years except the boy I'm writing about. And my attitude about whatever boy it is.

And yet, Jesus really is helping me keep bitterness out of my life. So for now, I sit, and wait, at Jesus's feet for whatever is to come. Record deals? Boyfriends? Blue eyed children? Wedding planning galor?

My mom told me about "I am" prayers a few years ago. I love the idea. Jesus says to pray in his name. Well Jesus has lots of names.....seriously.....there are tons. My favorite is El Roi (God who sees me), but one of his names is "I am". When you pray in Jesus's name you can be using positive thinking and also praying for improvment. Praying for positive things instead of negative things. It's amazing. For example. "I am...sitting at Jesus's feet and trusting in his plan for my life". Now this might not be completely true at this point, but in praying in Jesus's name, I am stating truth into my life and praying for what I want.

Yeah.....my mom blows my mind sometimes. She needs to write a book.

So, I am trusting Jesus to work my life for the best good.

P.S.- I need to find something I'm passionate about. CB has invisable children, M has young girls with sexual sin issues....I don't really have anything, but at the same time it's not exactly something you can just pick out on the fly.

I am trusting Jesus to bring me something to be passionate about.

And of course the inspiration for this post.

Blue Eyes- By the Carey Brothers
dedicated to K and our mutual love for those all too Blue Eyes

"I just wanna sing a song with you......cause blue eyes, you're all that I need.....cause blue eyes you're the secret I keep" *fad out in an artistic manner*